For the longest time, I thought I needed a blueprint. I thought I needed someone to show me how to do this right. I thought I needed guidance, structure, a clear path to follow so I would not make the wrong moves or waste time figuring things out on my own. I believed that somewhere… Continue reading I Am the Blueprint
Tag: anxiety
I Was So Busy Filling Everyone Else’s Cup, I Forgot About Mine
I was so busy filling everyone else’s cup, I forgot to check if mine had anything in it. I poured into people because that is what I thought love looked like. I thought care looked like giving, helping, showing up, anticipating needs, softening hard things, and making sure everyone else was okay before I ever… Continue reading I Was So Busy Filling Everyone Else’s Cup, I Forgot About Mine
Who I Could Have Been If I Was Loved Correctly
Sometimes I think about who I could have been if I had been loved correctly. If the love around me had been consistent. If it had been attentive. If it had known how to hold me without confusing me. I wonder what parts of me would have developed sooner. I wonder if I would have… Continue reading Who I Could Have Been If I Was Loved Correctly
Why
Why do I want to force myself into spaces that do not want me or do not acknowledge what I offer? It is a question I have had to sit with honestly. The answer is not simple, but it is familiar. I think I learned early on to earn my place. I learned to adjust,… Continue reading Why
The Fear of Being Alone
I believe what truly hinders people, myself included, is the fear of being alone. Not loneliness exactly, but the deeper fear that if we are by ourselves for too long, we might disappear. We might discover something about ourselves we are not ready to face. We might realize we have been performing connection rather than… Continue reading The Fear of Being Alone
Seeing Past the Grief
Grief is loud in the beginning. It does not enter quietly or politely. It rearranges your entire life without asking for permission, and it refuses to leave when you beg it to. When you lose your mother at a young age, grief does not feel like something you experience. It feels like something that raises… Continue reading Seeing Past the Grief
God Won’t Take Away and Not Replace With Better
There is a particular kind of heartbreak that comes when something is removed from your life without your permission. It might be a relationship you thought would last, an opportunity you worked hard for, a friendship you trusted, or even a version of yourself that felt secure and familiar. In those moments, it can feel… Continue reading God Won’t Take Away and Not Replace With Better
My Disadvantages Are My Advantage
For a long time, I believed I started life behind. I believed that losing my mother early meant I was missing something essential. I believed that having to learn womanhood, emotional regulation, and identity without guidance was a disadvantage I would always be trying to compensate for. Now I understand that what felt like absence… Continue reading My Disadvantages Are My Advantage
They Teach Us That Blood Is Thicker Than Water (But They Never Finish The Sentence)
They teach us that blood is thicker than water. They say it like a rule. Like a warning. Like a leash. But they never tell you the full saying: “The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.” Meaning the bonds you choose can be stronger than the ones you inherit.… Continue reading They Teach Us That Blood Is Thicker Than Water (But They Never Finish The Sentence)
I Wish Heaven Had Visiting Hours
I wish heaven had visiting hours, so I could sit with you again, hear your voice, soft and steady, feel the comfort of your presence like I used to. I would sit across from you, watch you smile, watch your eyes light up at nothing at all, and remember how the world made sense when… Continue reading I Wish Heaven Had Visiting Hours