25 years without you.A lifetime with you in me. Somehow, both are true at the same time. There are days when 25 years feels impossible—like I’ve lived more of my life without youthan I ever got to with you. A whole childhood.A whole becoming.Versions of me you never got to meet. And I think about… Continue reading 25
Tag: SilentGrief
My Disadvantages Are My Advantage
For a long time, I believed I started life behind. I believed that losing my mother early meant I was missing something essential. I believed that having to learn womanhood, emotional regulation, and identity without guidance was a disadvantage I would always be trying to compensate for. Now I understand that what felt like absence… Continue reading My Disadvantages Are My Advantage
Crawled Out of a Dark Space That Could Have Easily Taken Me Alive
There was a time when I didn’t realize how close I was to disappearing while still breathing. On the outside, life kept moving. Days passed. Responsibilities stacked. I showed up where I had to. But internally, something had gone quiet. Heavy. Directionless. I was surviving, not living and even that felt like work. I didn’t… Continue reading Crawled Out of a Dark Space That Could Have Easily Taken Me Alive
I Wish Heaven Had Visiting Hours
I wish heaven had visiting hours, so I could sit with you again, hear your voice, soft and steady, feel the comfort of your presence like I used to. I would sit across from you, watch you smile, watch your eyes light up at nothing at all, and remember how the world made sense when… Continue reading I Wish Heaven Had Visiting Hours
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I’ve been living in a dream-like state since thenNot quite standing, not quite sitting.Unsure of my likes,Unsure of my dislikes,Unsure if I’m too much,Or not enough.Just existing,Not even dreaming. I can’t remember much after that moment.All I know is—I want my mom.Someone I can never call mine again.A title I’ll never get to speak in… Continue reading 24