Something I don’t think I ever shared on here, and this is not something I share personally at all either. If you know its because you were around when it happened, otherwise I never talk about it. My mom passed away 23 years ago. It’s crazy to say because I’m only 33 years old, and it’s very hard to imagine and think that she has been gone my entire life. The only milestone she’s ever seen is me graduating from kindergarten. To me that’s so sad to say, and to be honest I still count myself as on of the lucky ones.
Growing up I didn’t fully understand her death. it wasn’t until recently like 2-3 years ago it hit me hard. She’s never coming back. I don’t remember her voice, or what her hugs feel like. All I remember is she always wore long skirts, had a red lip always and long nails painted red on her left hand only( Caribbean tingz) and her long beautiful hair always in a bun,
She was an amazing cook, baker and seamstress. As far as I can remember she was well kept, her home was well kept and me her child was also well kept. I didn’t know of any stress or struggles she may have faced or even experienced. There was always laughter and people and fun and joy and good food when she was here.
I was nine years old when I lost her and to be honest I didn’t fully understand that she wasn’t coming back, even though I saw her laying the that coffin. That was the last time I saw her and all of the people and fun and joy and laughter and good food ever again. Everyone left and everything changed.
She left me at such a crucial time of my life, when a young girl needs her mom for direction and correction in day to day life. Back then I didn’t understand how much I needed her, and still need her to this day.
She left me at school, and I guess that’s probably why I’m still in school today working on my masters degree. In hope that maybe, just maybes will be there at the end of the day to ask me what I learned that day.
She never taught me how to cook(she was a damned good cook). Eve thought I begged her too, all she said was when you’re older. Not knowing time was not promised.
I wish I could lick the wick and batter bowl one more time, her homemade icing was divine.
I wish I knew how to make roti just like you.
I look just like you, walk just like you, but I don’t know a thing about you. Like who was your first crush? what’s your favorite color? what you wanted to be when you were a kid?
What did you want for me? Everyone is gone, so I have no one to ask.
I miss your hugs, I don’t get hugs anymore.
I miss your presence, no one worthy is around anymore.
I miss getting a chance to know you, no one cared to get to know me.
I miss smiling.
I miss my creativity.
I just miss you, you were my everything and I just want that back.
